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Overview

Scene One

Boat:

Benches sideways for rowing
Rutter at the rear
Captain at the bow

Props:

dog puppet, drawstring bag, trash, Bluetooth, drum

2 Sailors board:

Sailor One:

Hey how are you? The family doing alright?

Sailor Two:

Oh yea, everybody is great. Even little princess here. (stroke dog)

Sailor One:

I can’t believe the captain lets you bring that mutt on the boat!

Sailor Two:

(cover dog’s ears) Those are fighten’ words. Take it back now!

Sailor One:

Okay, okay I’m sorry. Look let me make it up to you. I have this new invention of mine that I will share with you. (Open drawstring bag) Open your mouth please. Looks like you are missing a few teeth. Don’t be embarrassed I am too. (pop gum into both mouths. It’s good hmm. Soothes the gums.

Sailor Two:

Not bad. What is it?

Sailor One:

Well, my donkey gave me the idea. She has a lot of ear wax so I pull it out, mix it with spearmint, and press it into a button. It’s cool isn’t it?

Sailor Two:

(shrugs and keeps chewing) Yes, quite refreshing. (dog barks)

Sailor One:

You had better hope this is a short trip because if this crew misses breakfast THAT MUTT WILL BE IN TROUBLE, as in yum yum eat him up!

Sailor Two:

How dare you! I can’t talk to you. I have work to do. (stomps off huffing)

Jonah enters:

Permission to board Captain

Captain:

Sailor, bring him here.

Sailor One:

Aye, aye Captain

Jonah:

I need to go in the direction you are headed. I’m really tired and just want to sleep. Let me down under and you won’t even know I’m here.

Captain:

What’s the hurry? Are you in trouble or something? Somebody looking for you? (looks over Jonah’s shoulder)

Jonah:

Not anybody you might know. Name is Jonah. Here I can give you this for payment. I’m not sure what it is but all the prophets carry it.

Captain:

What is it? An idol or something?

Sailor One Leans in to Listen

Jonah:

I’m not sure what it is, but it is quite powerful. (whispers) I can hear voices.

Captain:

Hmmm, Okay stay below.

Jonah:

Thank you, Thank you.

More sailors board and head to the rowing section
Sailor Two (starts a slow drum beat)
Sailors row to the beat.

Captain:

Looks like a clear night.

Sailor One:

Sure does. Are you sure you want Jonah aboard?

Captain:

Why what do you know?

Sailor One:

He is known for his DDD’s

Captain:

What is a DDD?

Sailor One:

Doom. Destruction and Despair!

Captain:

What a horrible thing to say about someone. You keep your gossip to yourself sailor.

Sailor One:

(Salutes) Aye, Aye Captain

(cymbols clank) drum beat speeds up. Everyone on board starts swaying together one way and then another)

Captain:

This is unusual. What’s up with the weather?

Captain:

(looks toward rowers) Scotty, what is the status?

Sailor Two:

I’m sorry captain. We are given it all we got. We just don’t have the power, sir.

(dog barks)

Captain:

Throw stuff overboard. Lighten our load. Pray to your gods. If they don’t save us then throw the idols overboard.

(everybody starts picking up trash throwing it overboard.)

Sailor Two:

(sways up to the deck with the captain and sailor one.)

(Sailor One grabs the dog and tries to throw it overboard, sailor two jerks the dog back and grabs the drawstring bag)

Sailor One:

(whining) No! not the gumdrop buttons!

Captain:

(worried, swaying and looking around.) What to do, what to do!

Sailor One:

All is lost, doom, destruction and Despair, we are all lost.

Captain:

Captain: (reaches in to coat and pulls out Bluetooth) Sailor!

Sailor One:

Sorry Captain (salutes) yes captain.

Captain:

Hold the (boat jerks)phone!

Sailor One:

Yes captain hold the phone. (takes the Bluetooth) Hold the phone. What’s a phone?

Captain:

I don’t know, I said hold the bone.

Sailor One:

I don’t think this is a bone. (looks closely) It looks blue. I know it is a Bluetooth!

Captain:

Whatever, Jonah had it!

(everyone on the ship says ha ha, then stops and looks at Jonah and then the captain.)

Captain:

What? (shrugs) he looked alright to me. (yells) Wake him up. (mumbles) how can anybody sleep through this

Jonah:

shudders and wakes up

Captain:

You! You are responsible for this! Throw him overboard.

(Sailors moan and start to cry while shaking their heads no.)

Jonah:

It’s okay throw me overboard. This is my fault. I should have known I can run but not hide. It is a far better thing for me to die than all of you. Throw me over and the storm will stop.

(Boat tips and Jonah slips and falls overboard)
Storm Stops!

Captain:

Wow, he really is DDD.

Scene Two

Jaws music
(Fish and sharks swimming as Jonah holds his nose and swings his arms wildly. He gets still and then the snorkelers drag him into scene three)

Scene Three

(Gray backdrop, bench bed, two chairs, a table granola bars and a bottle of water. Bob dressed up like a matrix man shows up while Jonah is snoring.)

Bob:

(Whispers in Jonah’s ear)

Jonah

(jerks up)
God is that you?

Bob:

No, I’m Bob. I’m here about a mission. He slaps a folder on the table.

Jonah:

What? You know about my mission?

Bob:

No this is about my R and R mission.

Jonah:

Are you resting and relaxing?

Bob:

No, I’m rescue and return.

Jonah:

Rule number one, we don’t talk about our missions;
rule number two, we don’t talk about our missions,
rule number three..

Bob:

I know we don’t talk about missions. I haven’t told you my mission. I just told you mine is an r and r.

Jonah:

So what is your mission?

Bob:

It’s classified.

Jonah:

Classified as what? Vegetable, animal or human?

Bob:

Jonah, Jonah, here we are in the very belly of a creature.

Jonah:

Weird, (reaches out to touch the wall) I always thought a fish would have a soft red belly.

Bob:

Focus, why aren’t you in Nineveh? Instead you get on a boat going in the opposite directions.

Jonah:

Sorry, I don’t want to and YOU can’t make me.

Bob:

You have no idea what I can do.
Look Jonah I know you’re a rebel. I can appreciate that but you are quite valuable. For Pete’s sake they will tell stories about you. You will even have rights to a book.

Jonah:

Who is Pete?

Bob:

What? Jonah you getting angry every step of the way it is not healthy.

Jonah:

Well I have been really sleepy, actually exhausted. My diet hasn’t had enough fiber. In fact …

Bob:

Stop, okay here have one of these. (hands Jonah a granoli bar.)

Jonah starts to eat it with the paper on

Bob:

Wait! (takes off the wrapper and hands him a bottle of water.

Jonah:

Oh I need to remove the skin! This water is really cold, yet I’m kinda warm in here.

Bob:

If you get out of here alive what do you plan to do?

Jonah:

So I could get out alive? How? Why? This isn’t that bad of a dream. This dream is better than my mission ever was. Why me, Bob?

Bob:

(angry) Im asking the questions here!

Jonah:

So you have anger issues too..

Bob:

Jonah do you know what a DDD is?

Jonah:

Yes there is a serious problem with that. Some people say I’m that way. Always talking about the doom of others who are leading destructive lives, never able to focus on a regular job because of the voices in my head which brings me to the part about despair. Bob, I guess I really am doomed.

Bob:

I don’t think we are talking about the same thing.

Jonah:

Really? I have no idea what you are talking about. I don’t know Pete,

Bob:

You know I have been down here 2 days for a DDD. I will be released only if I convince you to complete your mission.

Jonah:

So this is all about you.

Bob:

Yes, where I come from a DDD means Determined, Driven and Delightful . I get so passionate about my mission that I can get other people excited. I’m here to get you excited about taking a leadership role. Be a man and step up to the plate!

Jonah:

What is a plate?

Bob:

Listen up Jonah, I don’t expect you to change overnight but I do expect you to take a look at the situation and understand that you are more than a man. You are a prophet. You are special.

Jonah:

Thank you Bob, so are you. The longer I talk to you the better I feel, or maybe it is because I had a really good nap and something healthy to eat.

Bob:

(Looks around and holds his ear) Yes Sir, Right away sir. I’m leaving now.

Jonah:

Where are you going?

Bob:

I can’t tell you because it’s classified. (holds his ear) Oh right, Got it right here. You will need this Jonah. Try not to lose this one.

Jonah:

Oh yea I gave mine to the captain.
So when do I leave? Can I leave now?

Bob:

You still have one more day. Sleep and eat some more bars. Jonah, (puts his arm around Jonah’s shoulders) Jonah, the Lord be with you.

Jonah:

And also with You.

Scene Two Repeat

Rewind Back to Scene One

Sailor Two:

(getting off a boat) Jonah, wait. How did you survive? You’ve been missing for 3 days. How did you return here?

Jonah:

I can’t tell you. It’s classified.

Sailor Two:

Jonah what are you classified as, a vegetable, animal or human?

Jonah:

I ask the questions around here.

Sailor Two:

Guess what Jonah, I’m on a mission too.

Jonah:

Shh, We don’t talk about our missions.

Sailor Two:

I traded some of my gumdrops for your Bluetooth. (whispers) I hear voices now.

Jonah:

What’s a gum drop?

Sailor Two:

Okay, okay. Open your mouth? I see you are missing some teeth. So am I. So here this is really cool.

Jonah:

(chewing )refreshing, soothing what is it.

Sailor Two:

Well Princess (pull out dog) here, gave me the idea. I use her ear wax and the peppermint herb.

Jonah:

Not bad, not bad. (Hold’s ear piece) So long, I’m headed to Nineveh.

Sailor Two:

Nineveh is the other way.

Jonah:

I knew that. The Lord be with you!

Sailor Two:

And also with you.

The End